One thing that has been hard as a second wife is the fact that I am his second wife. I myself was never married before him, so I have a hard time accepting that he was married before. When we were first married, I spent a lot of time crying and mourning the loss of all the firsts that I didn't get to share with him. I didn't get a wedding or a real honeymoon. I didn't get to have his first child. I wasn't his first wife. Luckily I did get some firsts.. his first time owning a home was with me. He and I had a daughter together this past year and it is his one and only daughter. But, what I've come to realize is that the firsts and seconds and thirds or whatever really don't matter. For him and for I, it's the HERE and NOW that matters. The past is the past and nothing can change it, but I can change the way I look at it.
Obviously, something was wrong it the marriage or they would not have divorced. No one leaves for no reason at all. He is with ME now because he chose to be with me, not her. He didn't cheat on her with me or anything like that, so it's not that it was a competition... but he realized that she was not who his heart belonged to and left her without having to meet me to realize it. I like that. What matters now is that we are together and we have a life together despite her.
My husband was also not a Christian before he met me. He didn't take marriage as seriously as I do. He was raised by people that had run from their super religious upbringing and refused to raise their children as Christians. When we started dating, I had taken some wrong turns and was not living my life as a believer. When we became pregnant, everything changed. I wasn't living for just me anymore.. I had a baby to think about. I immediately returned to church and began taking "Alan" with me. My husband did not join us at first, but slowly started coming with us occasionally. He was ready to learn more about it. When we moved and bought our first house, he offered for me to choose a church for us to attend as a family.. he liked the values that were taught to the children and was willing to give it a try... I had no idea what God would do in his life, and in mine, through our church. My husband became the spiritual leader that we needed him to be. He started attending church activities even without me! He was saved Christmas 2006 and I couldn't be more proud.
Because of this turn around, he started understanding marriage and what it means biblically. He has really taken it to heart and become a fighter for our marriage. We have a sign in our living room that says "Two Shall Become One: What God has brought together, let man not seperate. Matthew 19:6" and he believes that with all of his heart. It has made all the difference in him. He doesn't let anyone or anything come between us. I'm his wife for life and I am Second to NO ONE.