With Alan, I was lucky enough to become part of his life at such a young age.. he was only 3 when I became a part of his every day life and functioned as a mother to him. He was calling me "Mommy" before he was 4. But still, no matter what I do, I cannot change his biology and I've accepted that. That was hard enough... but to have her be semi-active in his life is just horrifying. I've never met someone that showed such flagrent disregard for their biological child's feelings... Oh wait, I take that back.. she ranks right up there with my father and my hubby's crazy parents... they also care more about what is easiest for THEM instead of what would be best for their biological child. Some people just shouldn't be allowed to have children. Very very sad.
The most heartbreaking thing with her is that she was pretty much gone from his life and just thinks he can deal with her just popping in once a year. And now that she has sued us for custody, she's "tried" to be more involved (on the surface... she doesn't even ask how he is doing in school or how he is emotionally or physically)... but the WORST thing is that now she will tell him she is going to call him or send him something and then not do it. It was bad enough that she was not responding to his emails before and only calling every 3-6 months, but honestly I'd take that now over this. Now she's more obviously disappointing him. Before, he was just sad that he wasn't getting anything back in his email. Now, she's telling him to expect things and then not doing them. That's not right at all. It's heartbreaking to see her do that to him.. and she doesn't care that she does it at all. She doesn't see that it bothers him. He's doing okay.. he's easily distracted.. but he's been not wanting to email them back or talk to them on the phone and we've had to make him and now that I've seen what she is saying, I know why. She hurts him. He knows something isn't right and he doesn't like it and it makes him uncomfortable. This is just hard for me to watch as a parent especially since I'm not sure how to protect him from it. Anyone else I could just keep away from him.. but in order to protect him from her, we would risk having him taken from us. What a mess. So instead, we have to leave this little innocent child open to hurt.