A whole lot of Stupid

It's already been 7 months since we got served with papers starting that Hubby's ex is suing us for custody of Alan. I didn't realize at the time how long this stuff can be drug out and the drama that would come with it. Wow... what a mess.. but.. it's not a huge concern to us as we know that she can't get custody of a child that she doesn't even attempt to keep in contact with. She's crazy, that's all there is to it.

Well, she called on Sunday. First time since Alan's birthday at the end of June. When she called that day, she claimed she had hurt her ankle 3 weeks before his birthday... so therefore had been unable to send him a birthday gift. Yeh right, but whatever... we gave her the benefit of the doubt. Well, when she called this past Sunday, she replayed the same excuse... her hurt foot prevented her from getting to the post to mail this child that she wants custody of a birthday gift.. and her phone was broken AGAIN.. and her internet was broken AGAIN... uhhu.. right. She didn't even ask to speak to Alan, which made the call even stranger. It was like she called JUST to make excuses to Hubby for why she's not doing right by Alan. Really odd.

Does divorce make people go stupid? I'm just wondering.. it seemed to have the same affect on my husband initially.. but at least he recovered. She has not recovered. Or maybe she was stupid before, I don't know. But it seems to me that stupid is contagious in divorce situations... there is a whole lot of stupid (along with selfish) involved. Sad really.. b/c it's the kids that suffer from the stupid more so than the adults.

I've noticed a whole heck of a lot of stupid in other families in divorce situations as well.. not just in mine. Well, stupid AND crazy. Stupid on the part of some Judges (luckily there are some very very smart ones as well), on the part of the divorced parties, on the part of the extended families... Mean and spiteful is a whole other issue.. there seems to be a lot of that too...

Grownups Say The Darndest Things

Oh, it's not just kids... adults say the darndest things as well! Actually, I like to say they lack a "filter" between their brain and their mouth.. you know, that little voice that says "Hey, maybe I shouldn't say what I'm thinking outloud." So, here is a list of some of my personal favorites and my responses (this should be fun):

Who's kids are they?
Response 1: I don't know... they were left in the back of my car and I thought they were kinda cute so I kept them
Response 2: God's
Response 3: What kids? I don't see any kids. Are you feeling okay?


What is his ex like?
Response: She's almost like a human.


Oh how nice, you have one of each! A boy and a girl!
Response 1: Yeh, b/c you know, having 2 boys and a girl would just suck.
Response 2: Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize you couldn't count... that's TWO boys.


Oh poor Alan... it's so sad that he doesn't have a mother
Response 1: Yep... very sad... b/c you know I'm just there for decoration
Response 2: And it's so sad that you don't have a brain too...
Response 3: Really? Geez! What the heck have I been doing for the last 4 years then?


Does he know you're not his real mom?
Response 1: OH! I didn't realize I was his FAKE mom! I'll have to tell him
Response 2: I'm not?!



To be continued....

It is what it is

I was thinking the other day... I was feeling a little sorry for myself for the drama that is caused by my husband's ex. I mean, she's not my ex, right? I shouldn't have to deal with her and the fallout from her behavior and the past choices of her and my husband, right? Yeh, I know I am right. I SHOULDN'T have to put up with those things, but it just kinda comes with the territory. I love my husband and my children and they are what really matters.

It's hard some days, though. It's hard to accept that this is the life of a stepmom. It's hard to not be upset and angry. It's hard to look at your life and realize that it could be so much different. It's hard to look to the future and know the pain that is coming your way and the drama you are facing for the next 11 years. But it is what it is. I let myself grieve for the life I don't have and wish I did. I let myself cry. It's okay to cry. It's not a weakness, it's a release... it's a way to let it all out and let it go. So, I sat in my car and just cried in the parking lot of Target with one of the cart boys looking at me like I was some nutso old lady. That's okay though, I'm not trying to impress anyone. Then when I was done I cleaned up my face, took a deep breath, and accepted that this is my life and this is where I'm supposed to be. God put me in this situation for a reason. There is a purpose for me being here. There is a purpose for me being a stepmother. There is a purpose for me being a second wife. It is what it is and I'm working on accepting it even through the hard parts, because the good parts are just too good to walk away.

Stepmother's Day

Yes! There is a Stepmothers Day! I had no idea that this existed until I became a part of the online stepmom support group that I'm totally addicted to. Anyways... I don't celebrate it. It's the Sunday AFTER Mother's Day (how fitting) if anyone is interested.. but in my mind, Step or not, I'm a mother and I deserve to be celebrated ON Mother's day just like every other mother in the US. Besides, just try and find a card at Hallmark for Stepmother... you might find 2 or 3.. but certainly not for Stepmother's day. It's just reality that Stepmoms/stepparents do exist... it's just like I said in my initial blog.. it's a reality that people just don't want shoved in their face. As one of the other stepmoms that I adore put it, I'm a living, breathing reminder of what can happen in a marriage... and no one wants to celebrate that. It's too bad, because I think stepmoms deserve some recognition for the hell that society as a whole and even our own family and friends put us through... and that we still stand strong, stand by our husbands, love on/care for our stepkids, and turn the other cheeks until we have no cheeks left. So, happy Mother's day to all the wonderful amazing stepmoms out there... you truely make a difference in this world.

Miracles do happen

For the first time, my hubby's ex actually spent money and sent something to Alan. I couldn't believe it when I saw it. Granted what she sent him and Michael (since I always send something for her daughter) probably cost her all of 5 quid, still... it's something and that's a first.

It's really sad when you get to a point where it's so unbelievable for your stepchild to get something (letter, gift, ANYTHING) from their biological mother (that claims to want custody of them) that you have to call everyone in your phonebook to tell them.

Never forget your worth

I had this email forwarded to me by my mother. I thought it was really great. Very fitting. We as STEPMOMs especially can get caught up in steplife and start to feel un-needed and inconsequential... Never for one single moment forget that you are someone special and how very much YOU are worth. The world wouldn't be the same without all the special women out there willing to take on this crazy life we call stepmotherhood.

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their family and friends.

Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

What is best vs. what is easiest

It's hard being a stepmom. Don't ever think it is or should be otherwise. But, nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Life is complicated, so why should step-life be any different?

It would be much easier to not care.. but as a custodial, stay at home stepmom it's really not a good option. For some families it would work fine if the stepmom detached, but not in ours. It simply wouldn't work. I came into this knowing my role would be mom... but it's way more complicated than I could have ever possibly imagined. It's way more heartache, way more time, way more energy than I could have ever imagined... but it's also more rewarding right there along with frustrating. Some days I would MUCH rather say "F*ck this" and walk away.. those are the days I know I need a biiiiig glass of wine.. lol. Ah, we all have bad days. Hell, I have bad days with my biological children, so why would steps be any different? I guess it's just a little different, though. I love my stepson unconditionally and like my own child, but there is that little difference that I sometimes refuse to acknowledge b/c it is painful and hard. It's reality, though. There have been those shameful moments where I've wanted to take the other two kids and run screaming away from my hubby, stepkids, and their biological mother and then I think about how awful it would be to live without Hubby and Alan. They bring so much to my life. I love them with everything that is in me. We really do have a great family and are in a great situation. We have the best possible situation for all of us here as a family.. all of us here together. No matter how hard it is, it's worth it and it works. It works if you work it... it's worth it. Hey, isn't that something AA says?