Tuesday, May 27, 2008

It is what it is

I was thinking the other day... I was feeling a little sorry for myself for the drama that is caused by my husband's ex. I mean, she's not my ex, right? I shouldn't have to deal with her and the fallout from her behavior and the past choices of her and my husband, right? Yeh, I know I am right. I SHOULDN'T have to put up with those things, but it just kinda comes with the territory. I love my husband and my children and they are what really matters.

It's hard some days, though. It's hard to accept that this is the life of a stepmom. It's hard to not be upset and angry. It's hard to look at your life and realize that it could be so much different. It's hard to look to the future and know the pain that is coming your way and the drama you are facing for the next 11 years. But it is what it is. I let myself grieve for the life I don't have and wish I did. I let myself cry. It's okay to cry. It's not a weakness, it's a release... it's a way to let it all out and let it go. So, I sat in my car and just cried in the parking lot of Target with one of the cart boys looking at me like I was some nutso old lady. That's okay though, I'm not trying to impress anyone. Then when I was done I cleaned up my face, took a deep breath, and accepted that this is my life and this is where I'm supposed to be. God put me in this situation for a reason. There is a purpose for me being here. There is a purpose for me being a stepmother. There is a purpose for me being a second wife. It is what it is and I'm working on accepting it even through the hard parts, because the good parts are just too good to walk away.

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