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So... after the agreement was signed last August that I would have legal guardianship granted, I finally got the guardianship letter about 2 months ago. Hmmm. Almost a year. Don't even get me started on that, though. Anyways.. it's here, I'm happy, and my son is happy.

Since then we have had some ups and down. My Alan has be diagnosed as ADHD in the past and is now considered Autism Spectrum (high functioning) so we have a whole new dynamic added to our issues and a new direction with his care. It's all fine though.. no matter what label we put on him, he's our beautiful son and I love him with everything in me. What I don't understand is some goings on with the ex...

in the past few months, calls have gone to once a month. Like clockwork she calls the first Sunday of EVERY month. That's it. She's given a minimum of 3 calls a week as far as the court order, but she chooses to not use them. Unfortunately this is good and bad. Good in that she's not calling constantly... well, good for me.. maybe not for Alan. Bad in that.. she's not calling more and Alan is starting to notice. He is understanding more and more of what is going on and who people are, but he's quick to tell people that I'm his mommy and he has the best mommy ever. Can't beat that!

Alan and I went out.. just me and him.. a few days ago. While walking I decided I wanted to explain a little bit about my feelings for him. I don't want him to ever think I think of him as my stepkid and though he doesn't even know that word yet, better for him to know my feelings now before he finds out. So, I told him that he was very special. I told him that most parents don't get to pick their kids. I told him that Bailey and Michael were born to me.. I didn't get to choose them per se... I was given them and they are who they are and I love them very much, but with him it was different. I got to decide if I wanted to be his parent. I got to meet him and play with him and love him before I was ever Mommy to him. I told him that made him a little extra special because he was chosen and because I wanted him SO much. And it's the absolute truth. Ask my hubby. He'll tell you. I only went out with him b/c he had a cute kid.. LOL!!!

My little rant

most everyone that knows Alan is not my bio also knows that I want to adopt him. Most people know the whole ugly story and the way I feel about Alan. I'm his mom, his legal guardian, and his primary care giver. He is no different to me than my bios. So why is it that people love to throw out there "What if you can Hubby get divorced?" I especially love that question from people with kids... some even with kids that they themselves adopted. I'm not expecting to divorce... DH and I have talked about how we feel about the idea of it.. it's a VERY last resort for both of us BUT i also am a realist and know that there is a danger of that in every marriage no matter what the intentions. However, what I DO NOT understand is what that has to do with my son... or me loving my son? Do most people that divorce stop wanting to/having to be a parent? Do I stop being his mom b/c I divorced his dad? WHAT does that have to do with me continuing to be a mother to him? First, if I DO get to formally adopt him, he would be treated like any other kid in this family in the event of a divorce. Even if I don't adopt him, I am his legal guardian (even before I get the letter I'm considered his guardian b/c its in the custody papers).. and even if I didn't have that, I've been his mom since he can remember. I've been the one taking care of him, loving him, teaching him, disciplining him, feeding him, taking him to the dr. I know him better than anyone else in the world. I've been his mom for 5 years this year. What kind of shitty ass person would do all that for a child and then just walk away and not try anymore just b/c they are not with the other parent anymore? Isn't that what I get so mad at theEx about? And he IS her bio! Well, what if Hubby tries to keep him from me? I'd fight like HELL to see him... I'd want custody of him just like I would the other 2. I have 3 kids, not two.. no matter what a freaking blood test would say. A MOTHER is more than just an incubator with an exit... a MOTHER is the person that loves a child and cares for them. I AM his mother. I don't care who has a problem with that. I swear I'm going to smack the next person that looks me in the eye and asks "Well what if you and DH get a divorce?"