It is what it is

I was thinking the other day... I was feeling a little sorry for myself for the drama that is caused by my husband's ex. I mean, she's not my ex, right? I shouldn't have to deal with her and the fallout from her behavior and the past choices of her and my husband, right? Yeh, I know I am right. I SHOULDN'T have to put up with those things, but it just kinda comes with the territory. I love my husband and my children and they are what really matters.

It's hard some days, though. It's hard to accept that this is the life of a stepmom. It's hard to not be upset and angry. It's hard to look at your life and realize that it could be so much different. It's hard to look to the future and know the pain that is coming your way and the drama you are facing for the next 11 years. But it is what it is. I let myself grieve for the life I don't have and wish I did. I let myself cry. It's okay to cry. It's not a weakness, it's a release... it's a way to let it all out and let it go. So, I sat in my car and just cried in the parking lot of Target with one of the cart boys looking at me like I was some nutso old lady. That's okay though, I'm not trying to impress anyone. Then when I was done I cleaned up my face, took a deep breath, and accepted that this is my life and this is where I'm supposed to be. God put me in this situation for a reason. There is a purpose for me being here. There is a purpose for me being a stepmother. There is a purpose for me being a second wife. It is what it is and I'm working on accepting it even through the hard parts, because the good parts are just too good to walk away.

Stepmother's Day

Yes! There is a Stepmothers Day! I had no idea that this existed until I became a part of the online stepmom support group that I'm totally addicted to. Anyways... I don't celebrate it. It's the Sunday AFTER Mother's Day (how fitting) if anyone is interested.. but in my mind, Step or not, I'm a mother and I deserve to be celebrated ON Mother's day just like every other mother in the US. Besides, just try and find a card at Hallmark for Stepmother... you might find 2 or 3.. but certainly not for Stepmother's day. It's just reality that Stepmoms/stepparents do exist... it's just like I said in my initial blog.. it's a reality that people just don't want shoved in their face. As one of the other stepmoms that I adore put it, I'm a living, breathing reminder of what can happen in a marriage... and no one wants to celebrate that. It's too bad, because I think stepmoms deserve some recognition for the hell that society as a whole and even our own family and friends put us through... and that we still stand strong, stand by our husbands, love on/care for our stepkids, and turn the other cheeks until we have no cheeks left. So, happy Mother's day to all the wonderful amazing stepmoms out there... you truely make a difference in this world.

Miracles do happen

For the first time, my hubby's ex actually spent money and sent something to Alan. I couldn't believe it when I saw it. Granted what she sent him and Michael (since I always send something for her daughter) probably cost her all of 5 quid, still... it's something and that's a first.

It's really sad when you get to a point where it's so unbelievable for your stepchild to get something (letter, gift, ANYTHING) from their biological mother (that claims to want custody of them) that you have to call everyone in your phonebook to tell them.